November, 1998 | Weather: It's November. Do you know where your tuque is? | |
Vol. 2, No. 2 |
by Bob McKenzie, Editor
-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor
Bob | Okay, good day, and welcome to the Hoser. |
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Doug | Good day, eh? |
Bob | Okay. Today the topic is hockey. |
Doug | Yeah. Our favourite sport, eh? |
Bob | Okay. What about hockey, hoser? |
Doug | First things first. At the start of the season, check to make sure there's no back bacon in your skates. We use it to keep our feet warm, and if you forget it, it smells bad. |
Bob | Yeah, but your feet smell worse. |
Doug | Hoser. |
Bob | Anyway, another thing. Don't sharpen your skates with a knife sharpener. It wrecks the sharpener, and your skates. |
Doug | You are a hoser. |
Bob | One more thing. Don't play against the guys at the loony bin. They cheat, eh? |
Doug | Oh yeah. That was funny when you got rushed while in goal, eh? |
Bob | Not as funny as what happened to you... |
Doug | Shut up, you knob! |
Bob | Anyway, that's The Hoser for today... |
Doug | Wait, wait! I'm not done, eh? |
Bob | Geez. |
Doug | I have a plan. |
Bob | Yeah? Keep going, eh? |
Doug | Okay, my plan is to return to only six teams in the league. |
Bob | Why, hoser? There's lots of teams, which means more games, which means more things for us to do during the winter, hosehead! |
Doug | Yeah, but I liked it better when there were only six teams, eh? |
Bob | Oh, I know what your problem is. You've bet on the Toronto Maple Leafs to win the Stanley Cup every year since 1967, when they last won, eh? So, you've lost, like, a thousand dollars. |
Doug | Get out! I did not! |
Bob | You did too! Know how I know? |
Doug | Why? |
Bob | Cause you made the bet with me, hosehead! |
Doug | Take off! |
Good day, eh? It took a year, but we've finally finished writing the script for our new movie, eh? Read the article that appeared in the Toronto Sun (and on alt.tv.sctv).
CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION. |
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The Hoser |
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BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
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Copyright ©1997, 1998 Chris "Bob" Odorjan